Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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