it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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