The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize