You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
