I was born with a shot glass in my hand
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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