Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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