You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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