Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
