hotel room ftw
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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