I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
