Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
