just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
