Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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