Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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