He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
