Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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