He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
