you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
