So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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