In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
