So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
