Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
