Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
