Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
