watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
