apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
