So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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