hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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