so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
