I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
