I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
