I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I still have a little drunk in my system
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
