ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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