Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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