Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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