After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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