I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
