Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
