last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
