Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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