so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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