im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
