if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
