fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
