He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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