Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
