Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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