I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
