if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
