I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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