Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
