I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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