i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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