My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
