So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
