i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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