I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
