please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
