i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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