that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
