Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
