Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
