Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
