I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
