I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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