You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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