she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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