So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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