When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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