I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
