your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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