I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
