u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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