Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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