mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
