IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
