Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ambien. No doubt about it.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
