so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found puke in my bra..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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