Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
